Category Archives: Lost in Translation

E-ZPass Support

Please install this virus in the shortest time possible.

Notice to Appear,

You have a unpaid bill for using toll road.
You are kindly asked to service your debt in the shortest time possible.

You can find the invoice is in the attachment.

Sincerely,
Wesley Gay,
E-ZPass Support.

This part of mail contained a virus:
 MIME type: application/zip
  File name: E-ZPass_000988927.zip
  File size: 2400 B
  Virus name: Troj/JSDldr-AF
  Antivirus: Sophos Scanning Engine (5.16.9405325/3.60.0.0)

Courts open on the 4th

Wow, I didn’t know “the Court” was open on the 4th of July!

From: County Court brad.houston@[Removed].websitewelcome.com

Subject: Notice to Appear in the Court

Notice to Appear,

This is to inform you to appear in the Court on the July 04 for your case hearing.
You are kindly asked to prepare and bring the documents relating to the case to Court on the specified date.
Note: The case will be heard by the judge in your absence if you do not come.

The copy of Court Notice is attached to this email.

Regards,
Brad Houston,
District Clerk.

This part of mail contained a virus:
MIME type: application/zip
 File name: Court_Notification_000743865.zip
 File size: 2520 B
 Virus name: Troj/JSDldr-AF
 Antivirus: Sophos Scanning Engine (5.16.9404856/3.60.0.0)

UPS buys DHL

Hmm, from a UPS address and subject line, but signed by DHL. Proof reading issue, or a leaked merger?

From: manager@ups.com

Subject: UPS Delivery Problem NR 00896.

Date: May 4, 2010 7:16:31 PM PDT

Hello!

We were not able to deliver your postal package sent on the 17th of February in time
because the recipient’s address is not correct.
Please print out the invoice copy attached and collect the package at our department.

DHL Customer Services.

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Mueller or Mulder

Jim D. sent us this message from an imposter FBI agent. I would have to agree with Jim when he said “This guy is pretty brave in impersonating an FBI agent.”, but these guys really think they will never be caught. Besides the FBI would never use a fbisomething.com address, they would be coming from a .gov email address, and you probably would have been contacted by some other means first. To learn more about the real FBI’s internet crime division, please visit them at www.FBI.gov.

From: “Robert S. Mueller Director, FBI” <info@fbi[Removed].com>
Sent: Thu, January 14, 2010 9:19:28 AM
Subject: Funds Control Notification Unit!!

Attention:

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed and Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be some banks top officers in Africa or whatever and some impostors claiming to be the Agents of Federal Bureau Of Investigation. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your funds in the total of $1.6M USD is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect to her transaction.
In this light, we have contacted the World Bank of Switzerland Co-ordinator on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by co-coordinating your payment in the total amount of $1.6M USD which will be deposited into A Switzerland Bank account directly without further delays. You now have the lawful right to withdraw your funds which will be deposited directly into your account.
Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation has been involved in this transaction, you are now rest assured that this transaction is totally legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America and the World at large. All you have to do is immediately contact the World Bank of Switzerland Co-ordinator via E-mail for instructions on how to proccure your Approval Slip which contains your off-shore account details.

CONTACT INFORMATION
World Bank of Switzerland Co-ordinator.

OFF-SHORE ACCOUNT UNIT

NAME: Mr. Alex Gardner
e-MAIL: mr.alex2403@[Removed].com

Federal Bureau Investigation
Robert S. Mueller Director, FBI

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FedEx needs a Spell Checker

In the 2nd paragraph they say “we can not quote it’s content to you via email for privacy reasons”, but in the next paragraph they do. Second best quote: “your sender did not leave> us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived> Nigeria and he hasn’t fix any phone yet”

Dear Customer,

We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirmable Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location.We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details.

It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to your package.However,we can not quote it’s content to you via email for privacy reasons.

We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $800,000.00 USD. As you know, FedEx do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but Bank Drafts are shippable. The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague as claimed, and your colleague explained that he is from the United States but he is here in Nigeria for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a construction firm in the Nigeria West Africa We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order.

What you have to do now, is to contact our Dilivery Department for immediate dispatchment of your package to your residencial address.

Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirms your informations, it will take only one working day(24 hours)for your package to arrive its designated destination.

For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid by your colleague before your package was registered.

Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF) neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism in yourcountry. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of yourcountry.

However, you will have to pay a sum of $205 USD to the FedEx Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the FedEx company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Also be informed that your colleague wished to pay for the Security Keeping charges, but we do not accept such payment considering the facts that all items & packages that is registered with us have a time limitation and we cannot accept payment having known not when you will be picking up the package or even responding to us.

So we cannot take the risk to have accepted such payment incase of any possible demurrage. Kindly note that your colleague did not leave us with any furtherinformation.

We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if you fail to respond until the expiry date of the foremost package, we may refer the package to the Nigeria Commission for Welfare as the package do not have a return address.

Kindly contact the delivery department (FedEx Delivery Post) with the detailsgiven below:

Contact Person:Richard Raynor
Email: rray[Removed]@ymail.com
Tel: +234 803 ### ####

Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.

FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:

Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager on: As soon as your details are received, ourdelivery team will give you the neccessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment for the Security Keeping Fees. As soon as they confirm your payment receipt of $205 USD , they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as > well as the attahced letter to your residence.It usually takes 24 hours> being an over night delivery service.

Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high> priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave> us with his phone number because he stated that he just arrived> Nigeria and he hasn’t fix any phone yet. We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found youremail contact in the attached letter as the recipient of the> foremost package.> >

Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a> successful reconfirmation.

Do not reply this email because this email account is not monitored. Send your details to: rray[Removed]@ymail.com

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Margaret Blaire.> FedEx Online Team Management.
All rights reserved. © 1995-2009 FedEx.

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Back from the Cinema

Somehow I believe that your money will be “Gone with the Wind” if you reply to this email.

Col. Clarke Gable
27th Infantry Brigade
United States Army Fallujah, Iraq.
Email: col.clarkegable@[Removed].com

Dear Honourable,

My name is Col. Clarke Gable of the 27th Infantry Brigade United States Army Fallujah Iraq. I’m contacting you on behalf of my team here in Iraq peacekeeping service; we needed your assistance to move an allocation {Funds} into your custody for safekeeping pending our final dismissal here any time this year…

However, I wish to remind you that I’m a soldier and I have no time to come over the internet for a child play, so please if you are not able to handle this transaction with utmost confidentiality please Do Not Reply.

If somehow you are interested in this proposal, kindly leave a message with your most confidential telephone numbers and I will get back to you with details.

Yours Respectfully,
Col. Clarke Gable

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Explosion-proof series

You have to give this guy credit (NOT YOUR CREDIT CARD #), for coming up with something unique. It isn’t herbal remedies or fake bank accounts, it military hardware.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am pleasure to know you from Internet !
If this email disturb you, Please ignore or delete ! Thanks !

We are a professional manufacturer and exporter of life safety protection products from china, We are looking for an importer/agent all over the world who would purchase our products.
Our leading products including:

1. Bulletproof series:
bulletproof cash-carrying car, bulletproof attack vehicle, bulletproof vest & plate, bulletproof helmet, bulletproof glass (it can resist AK47 rifle), bulletproof door (It can resist AK47 rifle), bulletproof window etc.

2. Anti-riot series:
handcuffs, chemical protective clothing, cut proof clothing, stabproof vest, combined riot shield etc.

3. Explosion-proof series:
explosive-proof blanket, explosive-proof fence, bomb disposal suits, explosives trace detector, drug/dynamite detector, explosive-proof glass etc.

4. Fireproof series:
fire helmet,fireproof blanket,fireproof glass, fireproof door,fireproof suits, high temperature resistant gloves etc.

5. Search and Rescue
police patrol vehicle, army/hunting vehicle, navy patrol boat, blast prevention torch, infrared imaging devices etc.

Our products can be used for police, prison, military, bank and Post Office (cash-transport vehicle), fire department, VIP protection, Executive protection, Bodyguard, security Agencies, private detectives, Patrol Teams, life safety consultancy, national security agencies, gun holder, government ministry of defence, army, anti terror work, law enforcement officer, special forces, anti-piracy patrol in the sea etc .

For further information about our products, kindly send a email to us, We will offer our website and more detail for your reference as your request.

We are looking forward to receive your inquiry soon !
Best regards,
Mr. Frank (sale manager)

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Elvis has opened the SPAM

Just get ready to pay the adoption fees, the quarantine fees, the vet bills and what ever else they can bilk you for.

Sorry for contacting you this way, I got your email online searching for a good home that will adopt my English Bulldog “Presley”. Actually I have not be able to contact you, due to the terrible situation I have been through, my dearest husband had a terrible car accident and has been in coma for some months now, and this was the main reason I needed a good home for Presley so I could be able to concentrate with the care of my husband. Few weeks ago I finally lost my dear husband, and now I have to contact you to know if you are still interested in adoption my little Presley because I need to give him a good home so i could move on with my life. Presley is just a fabulous and exquisite English bulldog with lots of baby bullies wrinkles!,stocky with short legs,heavy bone,awesome mass and wide chest,excellent temperament,with a lifetime of love and wrinkles. He is very current on his vaccinations and de-worming and will come with full AKC registration for show or responsible breeding. Pls do get back to me via [Removed]@gmail.com, if you will be able to take good care of him for me.

Thank you

Lisa

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Carnac the Magnificent

carnacNow working at FedEx Nigeria, Carnac the Magnificent, would not let his psychic abilities go wasted. He first had to seal the bank draft before finding your email address.

Dear Parcel Owner,

We want you to understand that the mail sent to you from this office is authentic and your parcel is presently in our custody.but if you are still in dought please we will have no other chioce than to send your parcel to the nigerian income and revenue tax office and forget completely about this i advise you kindly let us know your response, for this mail was sent from the nigerian fedex office and we have your complete data for delivery that was were we got your name and email but we want you to send your data’s to know if it corresponds with the informations we have.

Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not leave us with his telephone number because he stated that he just arrived Nigeria thus has no telephone. We sealed your Bank Draft and found your email contact on the receivers column as the recipient of the foremost package.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr Larry Anderson.
FedEx Online Team Management
Tel:+[Badly formatted fake phone number removed]

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Esophageal spinal cord

This poor man has his spinal cord running down his throat. Sometimes a medical dictionary just isn’t enough. I think I will send him a DVD set of Emergency!

From:Mr.Ngume Akume.
12,rue stdtono,Lome,
TOGO.

My Dearest In CHRIST,
How are you today?hope you are fine Please permit me to introduce myself, I am Mr.Ngume Akume.As you read this, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.

I was a Crude Oil merchant in TOGO,i have been diagnosed with Esophageal spinal cord after the Autor crash accident I hard A year and six months now. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment no improvements I stay one place i n the Hospital with out walking,this mail was written by one of my closerest nurse who is inthe hospital here and hard promised to keep this secret.
I await for death any time from now may be in the next few months,according to medical experts. I have not particularly lived my life so well,as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business.. Though Iam very rich, I was nevergenerous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on mybusiness as that was the only thing I cared for.But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than justwanting to have or make all the money in the world.

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God ha!! s called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends.I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in Austra,cameroun,liberia,Algeria and Malaysia.

Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I can not do thismyself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, theyrefused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of million dollars $25,000,000,00 that I have with afinance/Security Company abroad.
I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations. have set aside 10% for you and for your time. If you feel up to it and you are honest, please contact me asap.and I shall proceed on the documents concerned you will receive this money within 3-4 working days from now.
God be with you.
Mr.Ngume Akume

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